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There are tens of thousands of serodiscordant (positive/negative) couples who are in vibrant, healthy relationships that last years or decades without one transmitting the virus to the other.
Through drugs that can often (although not always) reduce the virus to undetectable levels, PRe P, and basic safer sex practices, it is actually remarkably easy to protect both yourself and your partner. My younger self struggled to kiss someone whom I knew to be HIV-positive.
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On the Mister app and on Daddy Hunt.com, we discourage users to use the term and ask our users to report people who do.
After all, we don't tolerate racist profiles or verbal harassment.
Whether they know their status or not, there are hundreds of thousands of gay men living with HIV, hooking up and falling in love.
Many HIV-negative men I know live and love in a seemingly blissful denial, pretending HIV isn't already enmeshed in their dating and sex lives.
Only by being honest with ourselves about our fears and our demons can we begin to overcome our own prejudices.
We must ask ourselves how we are perpetuating ignorance and shame in our community, regardless of our HIV status, through the actions we take and the decisions we make around dating and sex.
Some would rather have cancer than live with the stigma of the infection, where a diagnosis is filled with not only internalized gay shame but a sense of fault: Nationally, 20 percent of gay and bisexual men are estimated to be living with HIV.
Some are aware of their status and are being treated; others are not aware at all.
We know now, as we knew then, that being gay doesn't foretell an HIV diagnosis.