"I asked for, and got, a check 30 days after my husband left," she says."Too many men dodge their financial responsibilities, so waiting for that first alimony check is unwise. Newman says that a client of hers told her husband's boss about his affair with his secretary and ended up getting him fired.Psychotherapist Pandora Mac Lean-Hoover, who's divorced, also suggests finding a therapist who knows firsthand how vulnerable you are.

For example, your husband may be able to boot you from his health insurance plan, leaving you with an added cost of as much as $1,000 per month.

Caitlin, 55, from Tarrytown, NY, recommends requesting a one-time payment, separate from alimony.

"Children feel a sense of responsibility for the breakup no matter how much the parents state it wasn't about them," says marriage and family therapist Lesli M. Watch out for little ones regressing in their behavior—acting younger, wanting to sleep in bed with you—or showing anger toward siblings and peers.

Adolescents tend to act out by drinking, skipping school or disobeying curfews.

Try to have money available—like $5,000—within days. "It not only 'showed him;' it also showed the wife—and their children—what life is like on a lower salary," she says.

Simplybadmouthing your ex is likely to hurt your kids more than your husband, even if you don't think they hear or read what you say.

to do) if you're going through—or just contemplating—a divorce.

Here, real women share what they wish they'd known when they split from their husbands and divorce professionals weigh in on how to combat the most unexpected, yet most common, mistakes they've seen clients make.

Rest assured, these 10 lessons can get you through the end of your marriage, both financially and emotionally.1.

It may take a long time to recover—and that's okay.

But she admits she could barely function for a full year after the split.