Dating at age 14
I'm generally very liberal but not when it comes to early dating.
Our daughter has a nice social life and is not suffering by not dating solo.
I find myself in the unsettling position of wanting to say very conventional things like ''An 18 year old boy only has one thing in mind.'' And then I feel bad. Older guys pick on younger, more vulnerable girls because it's harder for them to say no. They mostly spent time together at school, at lunch, or met before school for coffee. I told her that I wanted to meet him before they went ''out'' anywhere. Just make sure she knows that she can call you anytime and you will pick her up. That way she might talk to you about any things she doesn't know how to handle.
(There's a chance that he's a friend of a friend of a friend!
My mother-bear self wants to lay down the law and tell her no way in hell is she going to be dating an 18 year old who we know nothing about.
You are obviously aware that a teen who is acting out like this will rebel against very restrictive rules, but that still leaves you room to maneuver.
The task of a teenager is to become an adult, when a teen is troubled it is imperative that they learn that the responsibility for their actions is theirs alone. ) to unravel that while the problems may stem from some terrible situations and horrible stuff that other people did to her, that she is the one who must now move forward with her life and find ways to make choices that support her.
It's unclear to me what your goals are, and this is the first step in setting up guidelines or procedures of any sort.
It sounds from your message as if you are conflicted with regard to your goal.As for the rules themselves, I think that the rules we set for teenagers are a safety net, not a protective coating, the kids can get around them if they are determined.Set the rules that you think are appropriate for her, if they are not 100% enforceable acknowledge this to her, and be clear about the consequences if you do find out that they have been broken.If you could, you might want to have a goal of get teen to stop having sex.But you seem equally convinced that this is not achievable.Past efforts to monitor a dating situation have failed, either because of being lied to or because of being let down by a past boyfriend's dad who promised to supervise if the two spent time at his house when he WAS there and did not. Knowing I cannot control what she does, I want to set age- appropriate parameters and attempt to hold her to them. Also, these parameters cannot be based on expecting truthfulness or abstinence.