Each person must decide for themselves what they want from a relationship and a partner Each person has the right to draw boundaries around what they don't want.

When a couple has been together a while, it can be a startling revelation to suddenly find out that your partner has a yearning for anonymous phone sex with someone from an internet list.

There is a fairly large distinction between fathering a child with another woman while married and flirting with a coworker in texts.

I've counseled couples where one partner wants to do things that the other refuses to do.

As explained in , you have 3 choices: accept it, change it or leave.

The book also contains the Couple's List of Compatibility to help you explore your areas of difficulty and how to work through them together.

When you are in a committed relationship it can be a challenge to suddenly decide what is okay and not okay, but people deal with new things all the time.

If you're not that far apart perhaps compromise is possible. Do you want a partner who is okay with your wants and needs, no matter how far out there it may seem or do you need a partner who understands you might need to look elsewhere to fulfill some of your needs?

If not, you have to figure out what you want and why. If you think that anything short of flesh to flesh sex is not cheating, that can be construed as a reasonable conclusion.If you have to give up some wild fantasy of yours, so be it.If you don't want to, you had the option of not entering into this relationship with this person long before now.You don't have the right to subject your partner to things he or she objects to and you don't have the right to search elsewhere to have your needs fulfilled.Everyone has to give up something for the warmth and care of a committed and loving partner. The mating call of the barely post-pubescant teenager.