He could also add, “I’m sure other people would feel the same way,” or “I would feel the same way in your situation,” if either of those things are true.

If he can’t personally relate to her experience, he doesn’t need to.

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Importance of validating feelings video

Boys are often raised to be practical and seek solutions while ignoring and repressing every emotion except anger.

They are told to “man up,” “deal with it,” or “get over it.” Sometimes girls are told the same things.

She is not seeking help, she is seeking validation.

We assume that she is presenting a problem and that her experience is the way we see it: that she is ignorant of the nail in her head and hasn’t tried removing it yet, or that she knows and just can’t make the connection. But in the process, he’s not telling her that how she feels is understandable and okay. explains how to validate and discusses the importance of validation.

The problem is, emotion is a really important part of the human experience and plays a huge role in relationships of all kinds.

As a culture, we focus a lot on changing our external experience—making more money, getting a better job, getting nicer things, having better friends—all the make ourselves feel better.

I maintain respect for hir capabilities and insight while still showing support.

Exploring this as a gender dynamic is really interesting, because I observe emotional experience to be the largest difference between the two gender roles.

The expression of unpleasant emotions is often a means of solution in itself, or at least a way to escape its immediate effects and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Validation is also a way to make unpleasant emotions feel a little more pleasant.

Validating our own feelings and those of other people is an important skill to have and to hone. Well, it shows that we are listening to the other person and that we are trying to understand them. We have to use our observation skills and we have to be pay attention to the conversation. Like I said, validation helps to create connection.