And it certainly isn’t a healthy model on which to base a marriage!

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Most, if not all, of these images are predicated on the archaic paradigm of romantic love. Being in a state of longing is a dramatic and fully alive experience.

It creates butterflies in your belly and light-headedness in your mind.

This is going to be your biased perspective, so be as choosy as you can about what you believe is true.

Think about what was actually said and the actions that really happened.

We do NOT think that people should throw away a perfectly good relationship just because mistakes (even big mistakes) were made or an argument happened.

But, we also know how important it is to make conscious choices about one’s life…this includes the conscious choice to stay in or to leave a relationship. Think about where you stand right now with your partner and also about where you want to go in the future.

This might have been your tendency to say “yes” even when you mean “no.” This may be your habit of jumping to conclusions or to shutting down and withdrawing when things got tense. The advice we’ve given you so far has all been what we call “advance work.” This is vital if you truly want to repair the damage of the relationship collapse.

Find out what your role is and ask yourself if you are willing to make some changes. It is rarely a wise idea to rush to any action without taking some amount of time to get clear within yourself about where you stand, what your role is, and what is beneficial for you.

Go with observations and verifiable information when at all possible.

If, for example, you’re “sure” about your partners intentions or feelings, ask yourself if you really know this.

You may also be feeling justified about what you’ve said or done. When your relationship has fallen apart,try this: 1. The first thing we recommend you do after a relationship collapse is to assess the state of your union.